3 Of The Most Practical Ways to Build Your Confidence

Originally written in 2015 (updated).

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with. And confidence isn’t something only a small portion of society is blessed with.

Nobody is blessed or born with self-confidence. I’m no exception. I had to earn my self-confidence the way I have to earn respect.

And that fact hasn’t changed. Confidence building is an ongoing task we all have to pursue in all areas of our lives.

It’s easy to look at people like Beyoncé, or whoever you believe radiates confidence, only to feel insecure and inadequate in comparison.

Beyoncé (as well as everybody else) had to build the confidence muscle and exercise it relentlessly to be as confident as she is.

So you’re not helping yourself by comparing. You’re just getting in your own way.

Based on my experience, there are three ways to build your self-confidence. Give these a try, and comparison will be the last thing on your mind.

 

1. Relentless practice

“My father taught me that the only way you can make good at anything is to practice, and then practice some more.
– Pete Rose

 

Think of an actor on set for a film. For example — Tom Cruise.

When he’s on set just imagine how many times he must practice his pitch, script, role, lines, stunts, scenes and so on.

Do you think he’d be such a successful actor without relentlessly practicing and honing his craft? No way.

And that’s the same way you need to look at self-confidence. Look at confidence as a skill and a muscle because it really is.

 

A Personal Example

theo j ellis and others images gallery 10 - https://theojellis.com/practical-ways-to-build-your-confidence/

In November of 2015, I started making YouTube videos and putting myself out there. Since then I’ve made more than 100 videos.

I’ve done more than 25 live video broadcasts on the new Video streaming app Periscope. I’ve done a few live streams on another video streaming app Meerkat.

I’ve also recorded a lot of Twitter and Instagram videos.

My self-confidence has gone through the roof because of it, and talking on camera feels a lot like a conversation for me now.

I’m comfortable on camera, now that I have practiced so much.

And yet there’s still more confidence to build, mould and grow with regard to video, so I’ll keep at it — I’ll keep practicing.

If you’re not confident on camera then practice relentlessly. If you’re not confident at writing, write as many blog posts, stories, books and articles as you can.

If you’re not confident talking to new people, make the effort to talk to new people often. Practice is the key to building self-confidence, and you’ve got to do it non-stop.

 

2. Acknowledge Your Accomplishments

“By taking the time to stop and appreciate who you are and what you’ve achieved — and perhaps learned through a few mistakes, stumbles and losses — you actually can enhance everything about you. Self-acknowledgment and appreciation are what give you the insights and awareness to move forward toward higher goals and accomplishments.”
– Jack Canfield

If you don’t acknowledge your accomplishments, you won’t know what you’re capable of. If you don’t know what you’re capable of, there’s nothing to be confident about.

It’s your accomplishments that make you realize what you’re capable of, and realizing what you’re capable of is what builds your self-confidence.

The size or impact of your accomplishments doesn’t matter. What matters is being aware of your accomplishments and celebrating them.

  • If you’ve done a 100M sprint, acknowledge it.
  • If you’re in a great relationship that works, acknowledge it.
  • If you’ve contributed to the Huffington Post, acknowledge it.
  • If you’re running a successful business, acknowledge it.
  • If you’re a great parent and your kids love you, acknowledge it.
  • If you’ve got a degree and excel in your field, acknowledge it.

Accomplishments come in all shapes and sizes. I’ve contributed to more than 10 websites and blogs over the past year. I acknowledge that, and that helps my confidence as a writer and blogger.

Don’t take your accomplishments for granted — your confidence will benefit from it.

 

3. Ask More Often

huffington post pitch theojellis - https://theojellis.com/practical-ways-to-build-your-confidence/
It didn’t work out, but I asked and benefited with more confidence + courage.

This was an issue for me until I started asking more often. Asking is something that’s so powerful yet so scary to do, because of our own personal What-If theories.

Push your What-If stories aside and commit to asking more often.

  • Ask for help when you need it. Ask for advice on how to do something better.
  • Reach out to someone in your industry, and ask for advice related to an article they’ve written.
  • Ask for directions when you’re a little lost.
  • Ask for assistance when you’re a little overwhelmed.
  • Ask for feedback on a project you’re working on.
  • Ask questions.

By asking more often you’ll build up your communication skills and will build your self-confidence as a result.

The more comfortable you feel with asking, the more confidence you’ll gain in the process.

In the end, true self confidence is built over time and through repetition. Practising these 3 things before moving on to other tactics will set the stage so there’s no sense in rushing.

  1. Relentless practice.
  2. Acknowledge your accomplishments.
  3. Ask more often (for what you want).
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