The MAIN Reasons Why Kindness Is Mistaken For Weakness

The MAIN Reasons Why Kindness Is Mistaken For Weakness - https://theojellis.com/why-kindness-is-mistaken-for-weakness/

We’ve all heard the saying: kindness is weakness. It’s something we’re taught, especially as MEN, and we run with this program from birth for what seems like an eternity.

Always believing in the notion that kind people are:

  • Weak.
  • Foolish.
  • Stupid.
  • Dumb.
  • Don’t know any better.
  • Are people to be pitied.
  • Worth looking down on.

And all the rest of the terminologies and words you can use for “kind” people.

The mistake people make when thinking like this is not realizing the stupidity of it all and how kindness is not a weakness at all.

In reality, it’s the opposite.

Let’s talk about it.

 

Why Kindness Is Mistaken for Weakness:

 

1. Pain

grayscale photo of woman crying holding her right chest

As you go through life being kind and generous, you start to realize that not everyone is deserving of your kindness and generosity.

You realize being kind doesn’t always put you in favourable positions,  and a lot of the time, others try taking advantage of your kindness.

This is when you start to be LESS kind, thinking this will help you avoid pain and even deal with pain as far as people not returning your kindness.

It’s a defense mechanism at the end of the day. And not the best defense mechanism either. Because when you take one person who does this and multiply it by the number of people in society, you end up with what we have already.

Which is:

  • Violence.
  • Crime.
  • Physical abuse.
  • Damaged people hurting damaged people.

And all the rest of it.

If I avoid being kind because of the pain of a past experience, then you take on that pain because you feel some of that pain, you may go on to spread that pain, and it becomes a never-ending cycle.

People foolishly start playing mental gymnastics, believing that:

  • Hiding their pain.
  • Being assholes.
  • NOT being kind.
  • Refusing to be nice.

And closing themselves off is a sign of strength. That’s what people tell themselves, anyway. If they don’t kill themselves in the process,  they tell others that kindness is a weakness through their words or actions.

This is a lie, though. Otherwise, people who are hurt wouldn’t be trying to manipulate, destroy, or use reverse psychology on other people to avoid being hurt themselves via rejection or disrespect, etc.

The truth is people LACK self-esteem, and that’s the root cause of the whole “kindness is weakness” nonsense.

Related: 10+ Types Of People You Should Avoid For Your Mental Health

 

2. Fear

brown wooden blocks on white surface

If you’re around kids either in your:

  • Line of work.
  • House (family).
  • Cousins, etc.

You’ll notice how, as a general rule, they tend to be kinder and nicer. Now I’m talking more about VERY young kids who haven’t been tainted by the devil of pain yet.

I remember walking past chapel street high school (Levenshulme), and kids through the fence randomly started complimenting my “swag”.

They were unreasonably nice, and I appreciated it.

Anyway, compare this to adults. 

Adults tend to:

  • Mask their feelings.
  • Their kindness.
  • Their happiness.
  • Their true thoughts.

And will do anything to keep a poker face or NOT tell you something positive about yourself. For example, you could wear gorgeous aftershave, and they’d refuse to praise you out of stubbornness and FEAR.

You see, it’s fear that drives the notion of kindness being a weakness.

People who say this are afraid of:

  • Being taken advantage of.
  • Having others manipulate them.
  • Having others take the piss.
  • People rejecting their kindness.
  • Society rejecting their positivity.

And so on.

Fear is the main driver of a lot of things in this world, but “kindness” and the refusal to show any is a result of fear. Sometimes that fear is irrational, and other times that fear is justified.

But either way, it’s the reason, and the mental gymnastics behind the saying kindness is a weakness.

It’s a weakness for those who refuse to show any out of fear. That doesn’t mean you should be overly kind to those who don’t deserve it, or maybe you should. I don’t know.

Sometimes the latter works, sometimes not.

But I am saying you shouldn’t let the world shape your TRUE character so much that you lose yourself in the process.

People show their kindness in different ways, and others are just kind to such a sickening degree that you can’t help but like them and appreciate them.

Whatever your version or level of kindness is, and if it’s true to your character, maintaining that is one of the greatest strengths you could ever have.

Related: 4 Of The Ugliest Truths About Bully Victims Nobody Will Tell You

 

3. Consequences

yellow and black tissue roll

Have you ever been kind to someone only for them to throw it back in your face and maybe even disrespect you? Maybe it was worse or more extreme for you.

Either way, going back to point #2, showing your kindness has consequences depending heavily on the environment you’re in.

I’m no fool. I know you can’t show kindness in certain environments despite how “naturally” kind you might be as a person.

I grew up in South Manchester in the 1990s. Like every other area that had some level of gang activity, guns, drugs, crime, or whatever else, kindness wasn’t exactly the most prominent thing you’d find in people.

Everyone walked around with a mug, and staring too long (even for a second) meant you’ve got a problem with someone, leading to fights, violence, or getting your so-called “respect”.

Speaking of respect, people only respected those who were the most violent, aggressive, or “tough”. And tough never meant being kind.

 

It’s the same with abusive households

love shouldn't hurt-printed on back of woman

Kindness in this environment is similar to the streets; it’s void. And showing kindness doesn’t matter because your abusive parents, foster parents, or partner in a relationship doesn’t give a shit.

There are consequences for kindness in these environments. In fact, this is one of the big drivers behind why we say kindness is a weakness. Or why kindness is mistaken for weakness.

How can a person be seen as strong (as far as kindness) in an environment where:

  • There’s violence all around you.
  • Crime is being committed at a high level.
  • People around you are selfish and don’t give a F about you.
  • You’re associated with drug dealers, gangsters, or people who commit crimes.
  • Your partner is abusive and manipulative.
  • You’re surrounded by dysfunction, aggression, and anger.
  • Your parents or home environment (whether homeless, with parents, etc) is abusive.

You can’t be seen as strong in this type of environment. It’s not even possible. I mean, yes, some or a few’ll recognize you, but the majority won’t give you any medals any time soon.

You’re more likely to be rewarded and respected for your anger, violence, or giving people the same energy (which is NOT kindness) than you are to be rewarded for being or remaining kind.

Still, none of that changes the fact that kindness is a STRENGTH, not a weakness. Even those who thought the opposite realize it later in life when all the BS stops, life hits them pretty hard, and they get a reality check.

In the end, we realize it’s all nonsense, egoism, pride pretending to be confidence, and insecurity.

 

4. Disadvantaged

black flat screen tv turned on displaying yellow emoji

Notice when a person is kind or overly kind, they’re always at a disadvantage? That’s a lie. Obvious to me, maybe to you, or other people who see it that way.

Here’s the logic.

When you’re kind to people:

  • You risk being rejected.
  • You’re at risk of being manipulated.
  • You don’t know what they’re truly thinking (this is true).
  • You’re at a disadvantage.
  • They could take advantage of your kindness and then disappear from your life.
  • They may leech off you for personal gain.
  • They may use you and then throw you away.

This mentality is negative but understandable on some level, so I won’t call it pessimistic (unless you have no wiggle room in your thinking).

I see it another way, though. When you’re kind to people:

  • You have power over them.
  • You have the advantage.
  • You can see who they are a lot faster.
  • They’re at your mercy.
  • You can recognise things a lot quicker.
  • You can come to conclusions faster.

Now I don’t mean these things in a manipulative way (when I say you have power over them, etc). I only mean it as it sounds. You really do have power over someone when you’re kind.

person holding black and silver semi automatic pistol

This is especially true in an environment where kindness isn’t rewarded. Because it’s a refusal to let others dictate who you should be and how you should behave based on their expectations.

This only works if you’re kind in the truest sense for the most part. Though I think everyone has some kindness in them.

By being kind, you can find out who’s keeping it real and who ain’t. And then you can cut them out of your life and move forward.

Now you could say being an asshole could have the same effect, but it’s never the same result in the purest sense. Meaning you won’t get a feel for who someone is without first showing kindness.

When you’re an asshole, it triggers people, so that’s not an accurate judgment of who they are. But if you’re kind and THEY are assholes, now you have a more accurate judgment of who they are and how they’ll be going forward.

 

Related video:

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Next:

5+ Life Lessons Learned From Working With Toxic People

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