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The Negative Effects Of Trying To Fit In, And Why I Never Tried To

man sitting on rock surrounded by water

I’m an alien. Or at least that’s what they told me.  I never wanted to fit in and I was verbally abused because of it.

I remember one guy who was asking for it. He kept prodding me with a stick (so to speak) and I eventually gave him what he asked for.

Except it was in the form of my FIST.  The classic knuckle sandwich as they call it.

He never tried fucking with me after that. That was back in high school. But the real question is: why?

Why was I the bulls-eye everyone was trying to target?


I never tried fitting in

I was alone. And I loved it. I’d rather that than “fit in” with a bunch of losers who think they’re too big for their shoe size.

When you refuse to fit in or play follow the leader, the leader gets mad and bullies you for being different. Or tries too.

It happens every day. Over 100,000 kids in America avoid going to school out of fear of being bullied.

That’s what happens when you don’t follow the herd instead of being a good little sheep.


But who wants to live a lifestyle like that?

YouTube video

Being a good little sheep might get you on people’s good side… But then again maybe not.

And that just means you’re forced to kiss ass and lower yourself to someone else’s standards just to keep them happy.

All in the name of “trying to fit in”.


The negative effects of trying to fit in:


1. You have to give up a piece of your self-esteem at the expense of “approval”

They say dogs are man’s best friend.

If you train a dog hard enough, and it becomes comfortable living with you, before long it’ll start doing whatever you tell it at the click of a finger.

  • “Sit boy!” and the dog will sit.
  • “Roll over!” and the dog will roll over.
  • “Fetch!” and the dog will fetch in a heartbeat.

Now, try doing the same thing with a human being capable of happiness, intelligence, pride, self-respect and morals.

And what will you get?


Depression. Unhappiness. Misery.

men's white and blue gingham dress shirt

Unlike a dog that doesn’t mind seeking your approval to eat, wag its tail or have a quick sip of water, when you’re forced to live your life without any sense of control, independence, or freedom of choice, your self-esteem takes a baseball bat to the head.

And then it bleeds. It gets bloody. It gets bruised. And then it hurts.  And then that pain and misery becomes your life.

And your soul feels like a Church with no people in it. 

Empty. Hallow. And filled with nothing. All because you have given up who you are to try and “fit in” with people who aren’t like you.

And people who won’t ever accept you because they don’t give a shit about how you feel unless it makes them look good at your own expense.

Not fitting in hurts in the short term, at least it did for me. But in the long run, you end up happier than you ever thought was even possible.

Happiness shouldn’t be taken lightly. Life is dull without it.


2. If you have to fit in, it means you’re surrounded by the wrong types of people

peoples walking on pedestrian lane

Fake friends. Fake family. Fake people. I’ve met them all. In my school days fitting in meant you were “cool” because you were one of them.

Fitting in makes you an Insider. An official member.

Almost everyone around me in school did that. In fact, “group think” was so bad that most who claimed to be my friend… Turned out to be my enemy, because they decided to fit in.

I didn’t.

Same thing with family.

When I grew up, the definition of family seemed so innocent and pure.

It was this warm, cosy feeling you’d get as a kid. Since “family” meant being surrounded by people who care for you and would take a bullet to keep you safe.

But that’s only true if I compromise who I am just to fit into the expectations people have for me.

Now I see family isn’t all it’s cracked up to be… Unless you’re dealing with people who accept you as you are, without dumbing yourself down.

This leads to my point: if you have to fit in, you’re surrounded by the wrong types of people.

Real people don’t force you to do that.

If they do, then that leads to my next point.

Relevant: Avoid These 7 Things That Destroy Self Confidence


3. If you have to fit in to please others, you’ll always be an alien

green frog plush toy on brown textile

Imagine if an alien landed on earth today. Let’s suppose the first thing they do is knock on your front door, asking for a place to stay for the weekend.

Let’s assume they’re able to speak English because they’ve spied on humans without us even knowing it.

How would you feel? Would you treat them like an outsider?

Would you shun them for being different, looking different and acting different?

You might not, but most will.

The reason is simple: if you have to fit in to please people, you’ll always be an outsider.

You’ll be like that imaginary alien I described.

  • No matter how obedient you are, you’ll never truly fit in.
  • No matter how much ass you kiss, they’ll never truly accept you.
  • And even if you get on both knees and beg, you’ll still be treated like an alien who doesn’t belong.

It’s the reason society is so segregated.

Some people are Christians, others are Muslims. And you’ll never see either together in the same room unless they’re shouting down each other’s throats.

Neither will ever fit into the other’s ways of being.

That’s why trying to fit into a foreign environment when you’re an alien will never work.

You’ll always be rejected, especially if you’re forced to strip yourself down just to please others. And that’s OK.


4. You’ll lower your standards and abandon who you are as a person

woman in black long sleeve shirt covering her face with her hands

I’m different. I’ve known that since I was 3-5 years old.

I never spoke a word until I was 4-5 years old because I was so introspective I preferred to listen than talk.

The latter hasn’t changed.

Fitting in to please people who don’t accept me would be like taking my soul and kicking it off the top of Mount Everest.

My body may still live on, but without a soul, I’d be a zombie devoid of life.

No personality, no uniqueness… Nothing.

Just an empty shell that’s managed to forget who it was despite the brain still being intact.


Denying who you are and lowering your standards to fit in is the same.

You abandon who you are. Then you shoot your soul in the back of the head. And Bury it.

All that’s left is a drone-like, copy n paste personality of everyone else who decided to do the same.

Mostly because of the fear of rejection, and not feeling important.


When I Was 15 A Man Told Me Something I’ll Never Forget

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