I remember heading back home from college one day. Around 4PM. And as I got to the bus stop to wait for my bus, a woman and her daughter appeared out of nowhere.
The mother said something corny like – “Hey hot stuff, can you guess what my favorite color is”. The type of thing you’d hear in a corny TV advertisement.
I didn’t know whether to laugh my ass off or laugh inside my head instead.
Anyways based on her behavior, the words she said, and how she acted, I made a snap judgment of her within those first 5 seconds.
Just another typical woman after sex I thought. Her daughter was no better either.
Now, am I wrong for judging her? Is it wrong of me to think those thoughts?
Am I in the wrong for judging her and perceiving her that way?
Just the other week I stood outside a shop while waiting for someone. As I stood outside, I saw a few other guys standing around wearing hoodies, baseball caps, etc.
Based on the vibe I got, my judgment was this.
They’re either dodgy or they smoke weed.
And guess what happened next? They obviously were on the hunt for some weed, because they asked me If I smoked or had any weed. (I don’t smoke, never have)
Now, in this case, was it wrong of me to judge them the way I did? Am I fucked up for doing so? Am I despicable, disgusting, a stereotype, or an ignorant bastard for judging them?
The answer is NO. And If you think so…. You’re an idiot. Let me explain….
The problem isn’t judging. The problem is the mindset behind the person who’s judging.
There’s plenty of articles out there with titles like – “HOW TO STOP JUDGING PEOPLE”, but that’s bullshit.
Everybody judges someone in some way. In fact as you’re reading this post, you’re making judgments about me and what I’m sharing.
Judging others isn’t the problem. The mindset behind those who judge is the problem
If we don’t judge people and things, we’ll end up putting ourselves in unfavorable situations.
If before getting into a relationship there are signs of drug abuse, and you don’t jump ship, you’re a fucking idiot.
If you go to a nightclub and there are negative vibes floating around in the air, and you stick around, you’re putting yourself in danger.
Judging is necessary. If we didn’t judge the human race would already be extinct. We’d be nothing but a memory like dinosaurs.
And sometimes judgments like the ones I made about the woman or the guy are necessary.
I can’t tell you how many potentially dangerous situations I’ve avoided because of the judgments I’ve made.
Or how many foolish situations I’ve avoided all together because I made a judgment.
Is It Ever OK To Judge Other People?
Of course there are exceptions.
If you seen lets say – a Pakistani man in the middle of the street, and in your mind you thought – “I hate Pakistani’s, they’re nothing but rapists and they should all rot in hell”, then that would be a problem.
Why? Because that’s racist, stereotypical, hateful, and damn right ignorant.
As you can see judging isn’t the problem in itself. It’s the person who’s doing the judging. THAT is the real problem with judging.
Here’s 2 simple definitions of judgment:
- The ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely. Especially in matters affecting action.
- The forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind.
Is It Ever OK To Judge Other People?
Yes it’s OK to judge other people and things. But what’s NOT ok is the broken mindset behind the person who’s judging. That’s the difference between judgment and bad judgment.
I’m smart enough to know when I make judgments I may be wrong, and it could just be an assumption.
And I judge with a healthy and open mind. THAT is the bottom line, and that’s what makes the difference.