“Life Is all about ass. You’re either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, bursting it, or trying to get a piece of it.” – Unknown
I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be laughing my ass off than kissing it. Kissing too much ass and sucking up to people can only do so much for you.
Especially your self-esteem.
And I’m not just talking about kissing ass in professional situations. I’m talking about kissing ass in ANY situation.
I don’t believe you have to kiss anybody’s ass just to:
- get paid
- make progress
- further your career
or have real friends who stick around and stay loyal (applies to a girlfriend or a wife as well).
I don’t believe you have to kiss ass to:
- keep someone around
- make a relationship work
- satisfy your boss
or gain new customers.
And I don’t believe you have to:
- kiss ass to get a raise
- close deals
or be treated with respect.
In fact, If you have to do that to get what you want, you’re degrading yourself. And you need to raise your standards.
Because kissing ass is almost like getting naked to get what you want (like only fans girls). Which means you have no standards at all.
And from what I can see, not everybody who got what they wanted had to get naked. But that’s besides the point.
If kissing ass has done you more bad than good, here’s my take on how to raise your standards and kiss LESS ass than you need to.
How To Raise Your Standards:
1. Stop Begging For Approval, You Don’t Need it
You only need your approval. Anyone else’s is just a bonus. – Unknown
A confident man or woman has no need to kiss ass for approval.
That’s not how you get respect from others, and it’s not the best way to go about it either.
Do you know why? Because when a man or a woman has self-confidence, respect soon follows.
When was the last time you saw a confident person BEG for somebody else’s approval? Never…
It doesn’t happen, and if it does, their self respect and self esteem is on its way down the toilet.
2. Grow Some Balls Of Steel
If kissing ass is your strategy for making friends or progress, you’re in for some deep shit. Because what happens If those people decide to grab a pair of scissors and cut you off?
What happens If there’s no more ass for you to kiss?
What will you do If they use your ass-kissing to their advantage, then ditch you as If you’re unworthy?
Grow some balls. Grow some big ones. Balls of steel so big they clunk and clank as you walk, whether you’re a man or woman.
Live life like a warrior and take control. Don’t be at the mercy of others.
3. Stop Playing Follow The Leader
Just because everybody else feels they need to kiss ass, doesn’t mean you have to.
Stop playing follow the leader, or in this case, stop playing follow the ass kisser.
You don’t have to kiss up to people because others are doing it.
They say Monkey see, monkey do. But you’re not a monkey, you’re a human being.
Stop doing that shit! Have a mind of your own.
4. Kiss your own ass
I’d rather kiss my own ass. At least I know where it’s been. – Unknown
Yeah, I know. Physically it’s not even possible to kiss your own ass, but that’s not what I mean or the point.
What I mean is give yourself more attention, more focus, and more love instead of giving it to everybody else.
There’s nothing wrong with praising others, showing love, complimenting, supporting, etc.
There’s nothing wrong with ANY of that in the slightest, I recommend it.
But when you’re doing it to the point where you feel OBLIGATED to do it, you’re at a loss.
Because:
- You’ll end up pissing some people off.
- Some people will see it as FAKE, and inauthentic.
- You’ll wear yourself out.
- You’ll disregard your own needs.
So If you’re going to kiss any ass, kiss your own.
5. Gain Some Independence
People who tend to suck up to everybody are not only seen as needy, they ARE needy. And being too needy is dangerous.
That’s how you invite the wrong types of people to take advantage of you.
And besides, when you’re too dependent upon others you lose power.
Example:
- Depending upon others for money.
- Depending on others to feel loved.
- Depending on others to feel happy.
- Depending on your boss to give you a raise.
- Depending on your parents to give you pocket money.
- Depending on your partner to buy you clothes.
- Depending on your friends to drive you to work.
- Depending on the government to pay child support.
When you’re stuck in the mindset of kissing ass to get what you want, you become reliant.
And when things don’t go your way, you’ll complain, bitch, moan, and blame others. But it’s never nobody else’s fault, It’s YOUR fault.
We’ve all got to take responsibility, and striving to be independent of other people’s opinions is worth the effort.
Why people kiss ass and pander too much:
Using flattery to get what they want
When you flatter certain people, you break down their barriers, their defences, and their stubbornness. Even the sternest and cold people can be converted with enough flattery and ass-kissing.
Not that flattery is bad, it’s about the intentions, And when your goal is to flatter to get what you want out of someone, and nothing else, you’re the kind of person who shouldn’t be trusted.
Plus, it speaks to your level of self confidence and how you feel and see yourself in the mirror.
They feel inferior
Nobody who feels superior or simply confident and assured of themselves needs to kiss ass and devalue themselves in the process.
It just doesn’t happen that way.
It’s those of us who feel inferior, lesser than other people, and those who feel like they’re not good enough who have to kiss ass and pander to the extreme. And do a lot of booty licking to the point of disgust.
Otherwise, you’d have standards for yourself, and you’d have enough pride (without overdoing it) to set boundaries, have respect for yourself, and not allow others to take the piss.
Let alone see you as nothing more than a subservient little bitch who has to lick ass to get others to treat you fairly.
Bad habits formed in childhood
When a person feels inferior or lesser, they tend to kiss ass and pander, right? Well, that can come from habits formed in childhood.
Bad habits, that is.
What if you were a child who grew up in an abusive household, and you feel like you need to pander to others (parents) because you feel too weak to stand up for yourself?
This can be the case a lot of the time. Some authority figures make the person feel small, and so they go about their lives living like that “small” person they’re perceived to be through the eyes of the wicked.
Then they go about their lives pandering and ass-kissing to the point of insanity and shame beyond belief, just to get someone to either like them or see them as equal.
The sad irony is, kissing ass like this only makes you unequal and not at all likeable unless the person sees the potential to take advantage of you.
Playing it safe to avoid criticism and judgment
Nobody inherently wants to be criticized, and few want to be judged. But when a person can’t handle criticism because they have a weak level of self esteem, and their self image is pitiful, they play it safe to avoid judgment and criticism.
This is why some people kiss so much ass and go out of their way to people please, or even bend over backwards to make sure everyone else is happy and satisfied (no pun intended).
The problem with this is playing it safe doesn’t guarantee you won’t be judged or criticized. In fact, you’re judged regardless.
Even a rock on the side of the road is judged to be a nuisance if it’s in the way, never mind another human being.
Wolves in sheep’s clothing
There is another side to the whole kissing ass and pandering issue. Some people aren’t just like that out of insecurity or niceness, they’re like that because they’re wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Some people use these tactics to attempt to get what they want or to soften someone up so they can get something out of them (same thing).
They’re predators. People who prey on those they feel they can weaken up to get what they want and disappear, similar to how scammers operate online and after the scam is done, they vanish.
This type of ass-kisser is dangerous and is someone who’s doing this with an end goal in mind and with negative intentions.
Is there ever a good time to kiss ass and pander?
The answer is NO. It’s always best to just be honest with yourself and with others. It will show when you’re honest, and others will respect and appreciate it.
If they don’t? No worries. It’s their problem. After all, you didn’t give them a reason to be that way if you didn’t cause any harm or intentionally make them feel some type of way to provoke that reaction.
Worry about the people who actually care and respect you for who you are and your honest self, as opposed to stressing about people who wouldn’t even show up to your funeral.
Playing the game of ass kissing wastes too much time and energy, which is better spent elsewhere like improving your self-esteem, confidence, communication skills, and other things.
Raise Your Standards To Build Your Confidence
When you’re confident you can approve of yourself.
There’s no need for all that fake shit that takes up too much energy and time.
Take a look at musicians like Ice Cube, 50 Cent, Beyonce, Bob Marley, and Michael Jackson. They’re musicians that people admire and respect.
- They’re confident, they never had to beg or plead for approval.
- They never had to kiss a lot of booty to be accepted in the eyes of society. And neither should you.
If you want to improve your self-confidence, realize that nobody else is gonna give it to you.
Not by kissing ass, and not by demanding other people’s approval.
It comes through realizing you DON’T need to do any of that. And being content with who you are.
So, in a nutshell:
- Stop begging for approval.
- Grow some balls of steel.
- Stop playing follow the leader.
- Kiss your own ass.
- Be independent of other people’s opinions.
And by the way, depending on someone and knowing you can depend on someone means two different things.
Just thought I’d finish with that.
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