I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror.
I detested the ugly alien staring back at me and I couldn’t handle it. So I avoided looking in the mirror all together.
It wasn’t just the mirror… It was pictures of myself too that I hated. So much so that I burned it until there was nothing left but the stinking smell of ash that floats around for a couple of minutes.
When you can’t handle something, or you don’t want to deal with it, it’s easier to turn the other way and pretend like it doesn’t exist.
That way you’re kept safe from the ugly truth of how ugly you feel about yourself. Physically, mentally and spiritually.
Unlike other victims of bullying, I reached the side where the grass is greener. And reclaimed the self-esteem that I realized I deserved.
I explain some of that here: When You Gain The Confidence To Stand Up For Yourself
Here are 4 ugly truths about bully-victims:
1. They believe the bully is right
Why? Because they swallow the lies bullies hand out on a plate, and take on those beliefs after being forced to digest them and accept them as their truth.
It wasn’t until my last year of school that I started to change my mindset. Before that I was clobbered over the head with statements like:
- You’re ugly.
- You’re an alien.
- You look like an alien.
- You’re stupid.
- You’re retarded.
- And the list goes on…
Naturally, you fling those insults back at the same people and laugh it off and treat it as a joke. But despite keeping the same energy I internalized those insults as do many.
The intent behind these words was malicious and negative, which only made me feel worse after hearing it 100’s of times.
It’s pretty fucking hard to think differently when 5 days a week of your life for 5 years consists of being told you’re worthless, you’ll amount to nothing, and you’re ugly…
I’m talking about teachers and authority figures at school, not necessarily the other school kids who feel like shit and are projecting onto you to feel better.
My fat ass art teacher called Mr Kay claimed I’d be a bin man for example.
An ignorant person would say “you were strong and they were weak” but why should that determine who overcomes bullying and who commits suicide because of bullying?
The bully is never right. In fact, they’re ironically weaker than the victim who commits suicide.
The only difference is the bully abuses others to make themselves feel better and more important. At the expense of hurting you and destroying your self-esteem without any regrets.
To a bully, it’s a fair exchange. Though in reality, it’s selfish and pitiful.
2. They keep it all to themselves
Parents these days have no idea what’s going on in their kid’s lives. Because half of them don’t even bother (they don’t want to be a nuisance).
Other parents just don’t give a fuck. And then you have parents who avoid communication all together because they’re used to it.
I never shared anything that happened in my childhood with anybody. Not even anything to do with bullying or worse.
I kept it all to myself. I put a padlock on my experiences and swallowed the key, so nobody could find the answers.
I’m the kind of person who dealt with things myself.
I don’t wanna get others involved in my problems, even if those people are family, partners (business or otherwise), or friends.
I managed to deal with it by getting stronger and standing up for myself. Even if it meant standing alone and being outnumbered by a pack of wolves who are strong only in numbers.
But not everyone is like me. And this mindset isn’t practical either. I’m a changed man these days.
In general, if you keep “bullying” to yourself it leads to suicide, self-harm, depression or anxiety.
Little by little, you tear your self-esteem apart until there’s nothing left but pain and self-hatred.
This happens in the “work” environment, too
The mainstream news doesn’t talk about it because it ain’t profitable, but people of all ages who work kill themselves, commit suicide or self-harm because of bullying at work.
And the worst thing in this case is:
- The victim is made to feel like it’s their fault.
- The victim keeps it to themselves and refuses to fight back out of fear.
3. “Almost” nobody cares enough to give you a helping hand
Admit it – you’ve seen someone being bullied right in front of your eyes, and yet you turned away because “it’s none of my business” or “I don’t want to get involved”.
When I was bullied nobody gave a shit. It was just another day in school. It was normal. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Some kids who were bullied had their backs turned on them. In fact, all of them did.
At worst: they never fought back against the bullies, making their torment even more painful.
Teachers never did anything about it. They’d stand by like a “deer in the headlights” as the saying goes. Observing from a distance, but never getting close enough for you to reach out.
Even today in 2022 and beyond this scenario is as cliché as it was a decade ago In schools all over the world.
And here’s the biggest joke of all:
if you fight back against your bullies and teach them a lesson, YOU are the one who’s punished. Or even suspended from school.
It doesn’t matter that you’re the victim in all of this. That’s just how it goes.
Where’s the justice in that? I don’t know. There never was. Because they don’t care enough to bother.
4. The worst victims are told NOT to fight back
If hypocrisy was a living thing, I’d love to give it a Mike Tyson punch it’ll never fucking forget.
The one thing that drives me up the wall and back down it again, is hypocrites with their nonsensical advice given to victims of bullying.
In the world of bullying, whether it’s in school, college, or a work environment, some bullies take it a step further than verbal. Choosing to physically abuse their victims to stroke their glass egos.
What do you do when your bully uses violence to take advantage of you and get what they want?
- Walk away? How many times will that work?
- Ignore it? You can’t ignore reality when it’s literally punching you in the face.
- Tell a friend? Cool. But then what? Pouring out your emotions through friendly conversation is healthy. But it doesn’t change your predicament.
- Report it? Cool. After you report your bullies to the police, your teachers, or some other authority, then what? That doesn’t change who you are, which means when another bully shows up, the same thing will repeat itself.
There’s a reason victims of bullying commit suicide so often.
Of course, the news won’t report it, because they don’t give a F, and it doesn’t make them any money.
But it happens a lot. And contrary to popular belief, fighting back is the smartest thing you can do to put a stop to it. Once and for all.
Had I not fought back and stood up for myself I’d never have recovered and built up my self-esteem independently.
I always say: the best way to prevent bullying is to stand up for yourself and fight back. Even if that means getting physical.
Depending on the context it’s best used as a last resort, but that doesn’t change the power of doing it. Or else you’ll always be a victim, and it’ll never come to an end.
No matter how unfair it is.