“Why should I care what other people think of me? I am who I am. And who I wanna be.” ― Avril Lavigne
On the road to building up your confidence, taking the right actions can speed up the process.
But what about the wrong actions? Self-help bloggers love to tell you what you SHOULD do, which is fine. If it works.
But knowing what NOT to do is as important as knowing WHAT to do. If not even more important.
Follow these steps and you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble along the way.
7 Things You Should NOT Do To Build Self Confidence.
1. Compare yourself to another human being
“Comparison is a thug that robs your joy. But it’s even more than that – Comparison makes you a thug who beats down somebody – or your soul.” – Ann Voskamp
As mentioned in this Huffington Post article, comparing breeds feelings of envy, low confidence and depression.
This is backed by science. Every time you compare yourself you automatically degrade yourself at the same time.
Basically, you’re telling yourself:
- My talents not good enough.
- My looks aren’t good enough.
- I’M not enough.
- My life’s not good enough.
- Compared to (fill in the blank) I’m worthless.
When you think about it like that, why would you wanna do that to yourself?
You’re you for a reason, so acknowledge those reasons and acknowledge your capabilities.
Acknowledge your looks, physical appearance, successes and accomplishments.
This may take some time, so practice and keep at it.
2. Pretend to be someone you’re not
“Don’t pretend to be what you’re not, instead, pretend to be what you want to be. It is not pretense, it is a journey to self realization.” ― Michael Bassey Johnson
Trying to be Beyonce is not going to make you anymore confident than you already are.
Beyonce is Beyonce. You’ve got more chance at jumping 100 ft in the air than you have of being someone you’re not.
The same goes for Bill Gates, Madonna, Justin Bieber, 50 Cent or whoever it is you admire.
To build true self confidence you must commit to being the person you are. The real YOU.
What does that even mean? Here’s what it means:
- Doing what’s true to you.
- Being ethical to yourself.
- Committing to your standards.
- Doing the things YOU believe in.
Just Be Real and self confidence will follow.
Related Post: You Dont Need Permission To Be Yourself
3. Get caught up in your ego
To walk around with an ego is a bad thing. To have confidence in yourself is a great thing. – Fred Durst
When you get caught up in your own ego, you end up hurting yourself and feeling more worse off than you would have otherwise.
The way I define ego is – being too attached to something.
Another way of putting it is – don’t let things get to your head. Like your accomplishments, successes, relationships and so on.
For example – There are business men who have committed suicide after losing ALL their money and going bankrupt.
When you’re ego is too attached to a person or a thing, any detrimental results will wound you deeply.
True confidence doesn’t need an exaggerated ego tagging along. Confidence is authentic, ego is nothing but an attention seeker.
4. Believe everything you’re told
If someone tells you you’re ugly, and you believe it, you’re self confidence will be punished for it.
If someone tells you you’re worthless, stupid, dumb, an idiot, not talented, a waste of space, believing it puts your confidence at risk.
Not everything someone tells you about yourself is true. Especially when it’s coming from the mouth of a naysayer.
The same can also be said about positive comments about you as well.
Remember number 3? I said don’t get caught up in your ego. Same principle here.
If you’re gonna believe anything, the first thing you should believe in is yourself. That’s the true breeding ground for confidence.
5. Ignore your accomplishments
“Accept, Acknowledge and Awake.” ― Aditya Ajmera
Sometimes we can get so caught up in our lives we forget to acknowledge what we’ve accomplished.
When you ignore your accomplishments you have no idea what it is you’ve achieved.
And by not knowing what you’ve achieved you may feel as if you’ve achieved nothing. Or very little.
Being in this mind state can hurt your self confidence, because it can stop your confidence from growing.
Acknowledge ALL of your accomplishments, big or small, and your confidence will grow with each success you have.
6. Associate confidence with materialism
“Money is a great servant but a bad master.” ― Francis Bacon
Sadly, millions of people attach confidence to materialism, and then wonder why they have such low self-esteem to begin with.
Material is like crack cocaine. It feels good when you have it, but the feeling doesn’t last.
To build real confidence you have to work on yourself, learn to accept yourself and do it often.
The “quick fix” mentality is a limited way to think and won’t help you in the slightest.
7. Attach confidence to compliments
You can’t let praise or criticism get to you. It’s a weakness to get caught up in either one. – John Wooden
This is a dangerous way to think.
Relying on compliments to feed your confidence will poison your soul with doubt and insecurity.
Because when you don’t get compliments, you’re at the mercy of other people. And it’s nobody else’s job to make you confident.
It’s your job. And like a job it takes WORK to make it happen. And that work starts with you.
Can you add anything to this list? Let me know your thoughts!